Why I stopped treating my lab results like a personal performance rating
Before, I avoided everything the internet said might be even remotely 'bad'
Written by |
Immunoglobulin A nephropathy (IgAN) taught me how little I actually understood about my health and my body. One of the earliest hurdles I faced after being diagnosed was learning how to read and interpret my lab results. My whole life, I had been relying on doctors to analyze my labs, but on my journey to diagnosis, I realized that I had to become an active participant in my healthcare.
As far back as I can remember, doctors have referred to my lab results as “fine” or “not concerning.” Even when my white blood cell count was consistently high or there was blood in my urine, doctors would tell me I was only slightly out of range and there was nothing to worry about. I often wondered why a “range” existed at all if it seemed not to matter. It seemed like every concern was met with the same four-word response: “Let’s just keep monitoring.”
When I first started experiencing symptoms, my primary care provider took immediate action and referred me to a nephrologist, but she didn’t really explain what was going on or why she felt I needed to go. I eventually learned that my glomerular filtration rate (GFR) was significantly decreased, but I still wasn’t sure what that meant. It wasn’t until I started reading online about chronic kidney disease that I began to grasp what was happening in my body and why it mattered.
Post-diagnosis, I became obsessed with numbers. I treated my lab results like a report card, and even a small decrease in kidney function felt like a personal failure. I was constantly on edge, being hypervigilant of my hydration and diet, as if one glass of water or one salad could make or break my health. It was exhausting trying to do everything right, and I knew it was only a matter of time before it became unsustainable.
I was meal-prepping, measuring out protein to the gram, tracking my water intake to the ounce, avoiding everything the internet said might be even remotely “bad.” I was expecting my kidney function to improve as a result of all the hard work I was putting in to maintaining my health. At my next doctor’s appointment, my GFR stayed the same. I was devastated, wondering how it was possible for my kidneys to not respond well to all the love and care I had been giving them.
In my mind, I was being proactive and doing the right thing, but I was actually stressing myself out. I was living my life from one set of lab results to the next, and disregarding the moments in between. I had neglected going out with friends to avoid eating “wrong” foods, I had denied myself coffee, and worst of all, I had denied myself rest and recovery. I was bending over backward to be a perfect patient while setting myself up for major disappointment.
Of course, healthy habits support my kidneys, but they don’t give me complete control over disease progression. Since I have IgAN, water and salad were never going to “heal” me. I had to learn how to manage my expectations and stop treating my lab results as a reflection of my dedication to being healthy. As much as I wish I had more power over my IgAN, I know that I can’t control every aspect of the disease.
Since learning this, I’ve focused more on my overall wellness and the things I know will help me long-term. I began going to therapy, I started reconnecting with myself and my personal goals, I’m working on fixing my sleep routine so I can get better rest, and I make sure to take my medication on schedule. I still pay attention to my lab results, as we all should. But I’ve stopped treating them like a personal performance rating. I’m much less stressed than when I was trying to micromanage my kidneys into better health.
Note: IgA Nephropathy News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of IgA Nephropathy News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to IgA nephropathy.
